The EMPIRES' New Groove!
by CollieandShire
Summary: This is the story about an arrogant young Jedi named Anakin, whose wiley ways get him turned into an asthma plagued, jet black robot with a cape.


_Hello Everyone!_

_Well, this is my first time posting a story, so I hope you all enjoy it and review! This is something I randomly came up with one day while contemplating the similarities of the films Star Wars and the Emperor's New Groove. Like I said, random. ;-)_

_Basically, It's a story about a arrogant young Jedi named Anakin, whose wiley ways get him turned into an asthma plagued, jet black robot with a cape. :D_

_So enjoy, please review and thanks for reading!_

_-Collie from CollieandShire_

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**THE EMPIRES NEW**

**GROOVE**

**Written by**

**Collie**

**From Collie and Shire**

**SCRIPT**

**Chapter One:**

**(Theme music playing)**

**Disney Logo**

**:White words on black backdrop.**

**Long ago, in a Galaxy far away…**

**:The Planet Dagobah**

**Strange creatures make sounds. Nazgul fly over head. I mean Mynock. Sorry, a Lord of the Rings moment there! ;-)**

**Camera above jungle rolling towards distraught figure.**

**(Music Dramatizes)**

**:Light Strikes; figure revealed.**

"**WWHHHAAA!" **

**Startled, the dark, mechanical robot searched the foregrounds for some unseen foe.**

** As is custom in the jungle, shortly after the thunder's roll the rain suddenly poured down in horrific torrents.**

** "Mememememe;"**

**Narrator: **

"**Would you look at that? Pretty pathetic, huh? It may surprise you but that robot out there was once a human being- and not just ANY human being; that guy was a Jedi. A rich, powerful ball of charisma, oh yeah!"**

**:Distraught robot tries to get out of the weather, only to slip in the mud.**

"**Wehheheheh,"**

**Narrator:**

** "This is his story. Actually, it's my story. That's right. I'M that robot. The name's Anakin. JEDI MASTER, Anakin. See I was the worlds nicest guy and they ruined my life for no reason! What is that so hard to believe? Look you go back aways, and this will ALL make sense…**

**:Flashback; Anakin as a baby, playing with his toy pod-racers.**

**Narrator:**

** "-Okay that's a little too far back. Aww! Look! It's me as a baby!"**

**:Baby Anakin breaks his pod-racer. Throws a fit. His mother, Mace Windu, C-3P0, Yoda, and Qui Gon Jinn's hands fly out, each holding a new pod-racer. He smiles, picks himself up off the floor and claps happily.**

**Narrator:**

** "Hmm-Hmm! Let's move on."**

**THE EMPIRE'S NEW GROOVE**

**:Titles Begin. Theme song "Perfect World" playing.**

**Fast Forward**

**C-3P0:**

"**Bawha! You're masterfulness, it is time for you to choose your bride,"**

**:Queen Amidala's handmaidens are lined together.**

**Anakin:**

"**Okay, let's take a look-see. Hate your hair. Mmm, not likely. Yikes yikes yikes, and let me guess, you have a great personality."**

**:Anakin turns to C-3P0.**

**Anakin:**

"**Is this really the best you can do?"**

**C-3P0:**

** "Yes! I mean no. I mean, what I'm trying to say is…"**

**Narrator:**

** "What was he babbling about? He's like the thing that wouldn't shut up! Anyway, still wondering about that robot in the opening? Well let me show you the people responsible for ruining my life. First, there's Obi-Wan."**

**:Scene Changes; man in Jedi robe ascending palace stairs.**

**Obi-Wan to clone trooper:**

** "Hi. I'm here to pick up my padawan, Anakin Skywalker?"**

**Clone Trooper (agitated):**

** "Inside, up the stairs and to the left. Just follow the signs."**

**Obi-Wan:**

** "Okay, thank you,"**

**Narrator:**

** "Oh, and don't be fooled by that 'folksy-peasant' look."**

**:Old man's shoe drops on Obi-Wans' head. He picks it up. Old man taps him on the shoulder.**

**Old man:**

** "Pardon me, that's mine,"**

**Obi-Wan:**

** "Oh. Well, here you go."**

**:Obi-Wan returns shoe to old man.**

**Old man:**

** "Thank you, your very kind."**

**Obi-Wan:**

** "No problem!"**

**:Waves. Begins to walk off. Stops in tracks and returns to man stuck in flag.**

** "Hey! What are you doing up there?!"**

**:Uses the force to set him down.**

**Old man:**

** "I threw off Master Anakin's groove."**

**Obi-Wan:**

** "What? He's not a Master yet-"**

**Old Man:**

** "That's irrelevant. It's his groove! The pattern of behavior with which he lives his life in. I threw it off and he threw me out the window,"**

**Obi-Wan (to himself):**

** "I'll straighten him out!"**

**Old man, grasping at Obi-Wans' shirt- or robe:**

** "DON'T THROW OFF HIS GROOVE!"**

**Obi-Wan:**

** "But I am his master! It's my job!"**

**Old man (In haunting voice):**

** "Beware the groove!"**

**Obi-Wan calling after him:**

** "Hey are you going to be alright?"**

**Old man (from a distance):**

** "**_**The groove…**_**"**

**Obi-Wan:**

** "I must do something about Anakin."**

**Narrator:**

** "You see? This guy's trouble…. But he is NOTHING compared to what is coming up next.**

**:Scene Changes; A hearing in the throne-room is being held. Peasant pleading for food to the official.**

**Narrator:**

** "Okay gang, check this out. This, is Chancellor Palpatine; living proof that dinosaurs once roamed the universe.**

**And let's not forget Palpatines' right hand Sith. Every decade or so he gets a new one; this one's name was Darth Maul.**

**:Strange, flying creature buzzes around Palpatine's head. **

**Darth Maul:**

** "Here let me get that for you,"**

**:Grabs at it; takes out his light saber.**

**:Bug lands on one of his horns. He attacks so wildly he throws himself off balance and falls. **

**Narrator:**

"**Yep; that's Maul!"**

**:Creature buzzes away with a snicker.**

**Narrator:**

"**Now lately Chancellor Palpatine has been going behind all the Jedi's back and running the galaxy and I'm thinking, 'that's gonna stop.'**

**Palpatine:**

** "Hmmph. It is no concern of **_**mine **_**whether your planet has- what was it again?"**

**Peasant: **

"**Food."**

**Palpatine:**

** "Ha! Well you really should have thought of that before you moved to Tatooine! We're through, take him away. NEXT!"**

**Peasant:**

** "But I-"**

**:Two armed clone troopers grab him by the shoulders.**

**Peasant:**

** "Oh. Okay."**

**:Peasant is dragged out; the Chancellor takes a break and rubs his eyes. Reveals Sith face for a moment.**

**Anakin:**

** "Nerve wracking all those peasants, aren't they?"**

**Palpatine:**

** "Tell me about it."**

**:Suddenly realizes who he's speaking to.**

** "Whaa!"**

**:Anakin sneers.**

**Palpatine:**

** "Anakin! My favorite jedi!"**

**Anakin:**

** "You were doing it again,"**

**Palpatine (Throwing aside Imperial robes):**

** "Doing what?"**

**Anakin:**

** "Taking over the Galaxy,"**

**Palpatine:**

** "But Anakin; I was only dealing with meaningless alien matters… blab la blah bla blah blah blah bla blah! Bla blah blab la labla blah…"**

**Anakin (thinking to himself):**

** "Whoa. Look at those wrinkles! What is holding this guy together?"**

**:observes red eyes.**

** "Wait… I thought that could only happen in photography."**

**Maul:**

** "Good thinking, Palpatine! Hey, what do you say to that?"**

**:Maul pat's Anakin on the back. Anakin pulls out his Saber.**

**Anakin:**

** "Whooaaa! No touchy, Maul. No touchy."**

**:Maul nods; having meant no offence.**

**Clone Trooper below the thrown:**

** "Anakin, Master Obi-Wan is here to see you."**

**Anakin:**

** "Wheh. All he ever does is lecture me."**

**:Turns to Palpatine.**

** "By the way, I'm telling the whole Jedi Counsel that you're a Sith."**

**Palpatine:**

** "What?! Why?"**

**Anakin:**

** "Because I feel like it. It's fun to get people in trouble!"**

**:The Chancellor growls as he descends the Imperial throne.**

**Obi-Wan:**

"**Anakin!"**

**:Obi-Wan enters scene.**

**Anakin:**

** "What?"**

**Obi-Wan:**

** "You threw an old man out the window?!"**

**Anakin:**

** "So? He looked like Yoda and that irritated me."**

**Obi-Wan:**

** "Anakin you must stop being so evil, or it will overtake you."**

**Anakin:**

** "No. I like doing what I'm doing. And I'm going to do worse! You know that little planet you're living on? Well, Chancellor Palpatine said it's overrun with nice people and nasty flowers so it's got to be terminated. Ha!" Anakin began to walk away.**

** "Hey wait. You can't-" Obi wan started threateningly, taking out his saber.**

** To clone troopers clapped their blasters to his head.**

** Unable to resist it, Anakin turned around and looked Obi-Wan in the eye. "Jedi reign is old fashioned, pal. When Palpatine gives the word, your little planet thingy will be, bye-bye. Bye-bye!"**

**Narrator:**

** Oh yeah, everything was going my way!**

**:cut to grey backdrop, sculpture of Anakin's head.**

**SMASH!**

**:Anakin's head is crushed dramatically.**

**Chancellor Palpatine:**

** "Who does that little worm think he is? Does he even know who he's dealing with?! Why I practically raised him!"**

**SMASH!**

**Maul:**

** "Yeah, Kinda thought he woulda turned out better,"**

**Palpatine:**

"**Heh! go figure,"**

**Maul:**

** "Well, at least you're taking it out on these things and not the real Anakin… Where'd you find them, anyways?"**

**Palpatine:**

** "Some fan pop store…" **

**:Brings hammer up for the next bust. Just then, a brilliant idea hit the Chancellor.**

**Palpatine:**

** "That's it, Maul! We'll **_**turn **_**Anakin! Heh heh heh heh…"**

**Maul:**

** "-The real Anakin?"**

**:Palpatine glares at Maul. **

**Palpatine:**

"**Of course the real Anakin. Don't you see? With him on our side and no one to warn the rest of the Jedi, I'll take over and rule the Galazy, heh heh, brilliant!"**

**Maul:**

** "…How does that work with you being a sith and all?"**

**Palpatine:**

** "The only ones that know that are the three of us. You, also a sith, me, and the soon to be! Quick, to the secret layer!"**

** In the secret layer…**

**Palpatine:**

** "How shall I do it? I know, I'll make him into a flea, a harmless little flea. Then I'll put that flea in a box, and then put that box into another box and mail that box to myself. And when it arrives, I'll smash it with a hammer! **

** SPLATT!**

** "It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant I tell you! Genius I say!**

**Maul:**

** "Wait, I thought you wanted to turn him into a sith; not kill him."**

**Palpatine:**

** "Oh. Right. Well, in that case, we'll just poison him with this,"**

**:the chancellor hands Maul a vial.**

**Palpatine:**

** "Oh, Maul, feel the power!"**

**Maul:**

** "Uh, yeah, I can feel it."**

**Palpatine:**

** "Our moment of triumph approaches! It's dinner time!"**

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_Thanks for reading, please review!_

_-Collie_


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